Alcohol makes any activity interesting. Sex is interesting in itself, but when combined with drinking, sometimes it turns into a real adventure. Remembering such stories is sometimes embarrassing, sometimes fun. Reddit users shared the most unusual cases when something went wrong after strong drinks in bed.
13 stories of drunken sex
- It happened 8-9 years ago, while still in high school. My girlfriend and I decided to have sex at a friend's house. When we were done and just hugging and kissing, she suddenly asked me if I would like to try warming lube. I replied: “Yes, it was always interesting to experiment.” We go to the second run, and she says: “Let's try now?”. I'm like, “Are you kidding me? It's like I carry it all the time.” However, drunkenness coupled with excitement motivated me to search for stray, and I ransacked the whole house.
I ended up in the bathroom and found liquid soap there. “Good substitute,” — thinking, I heartily pressed the vial twice and returned to the bedroom. I rubbed the girl's intimate places with this soap and continued the work. In the process, she would say something like: “Wow, this thing really warms up! It even hurts.” And I was wearing a condom, so I didn’t feel much effect.
Finished, I went home. The next morning I met a friend at school – she could barely walk like a duck, and complained that her vagina had never been so tortured. True, the people around me thought that I had an incredible device – and these rumors created a special reputation for me among the girls of our school. .
— Are you asleep already?
— Yeah…
— Hey, are you going to continue?
— Yeah…
- Met a vegan hipster at a New Year's Eve party a few years ago, one of those who like to brag that they can outdrink any guy.
The two of us got really drunk and ended up in the bedroom. I could hardly keep on my feet. It took me a fair amount of work to even bring my penis into a combat state, but I was able to stick a half-flaccid one – and then a delicious farting sound is heard.
After a couple of minutes, a disgusting smell reached me, as if a wall of used diapers had materialized nearby. “Damn, this girl has some kind of terrible STD,” — I thought. I pull it out, turn on the light and see that my partner is lying in a sea of shit. It was smeared all over the bed, penetrated her vagina and even under my condom. And I myself am all in this rubbish. It was the worst sex of my life.
- My best friend and I got into a relationship with the twins. Mine kept joking that one day they would switch places to see if we could tell them apart.
That night, my friend and I went over a bit and dragged our girlfriends to their bunk beds. Everyone thought that he was alone with his own. I undressed, but as soon as the girl began to suck, I felt something was wrong. I looked closely – damn it, it's her sister.
I couldn't think of anything better than to jump up naked and run to a friend's room to tell everything.
He was sleeping face down. As is my girlfriend. And they still don't know about this case.
- One day, in 2010, I went to Vegas for a Backstreet Boys concert. After the event, my friend and I, already drunk, ended up in one of the dirty nightclubs, where girls get free drinks. I lashed out even more, met some guy who took me to the room. However, he did not succeed in inserting it right away – something was interfering with him inside. Then I remember that I'm on my period and just pull out the menstrual cup to continue. ENTIRE BED IN BLOOD. However, that didn't stop us. After sex, we had a depressing conversation about how we got to such a life, and on that sad note, we parted. Then I got lost in my hotel and wandered for an hour in tears. When I found my room, I wrote a note to a friend, “I'm sorry,” threw up in the toilet, and passed out.
- Last year, I lived in a college town famous for its parties. One day, a message comes from my high school crush: “Hi, my friends and I are going to a BG party, do you want to join us?”
I agreed. She showed up with two very pretty girlfriends, and we went on a break. When we got home, I thought: “But I can arrange a MZYZZH now, there is every chance.”
As soon as they came to me, the girlfriends immediately passed out. Only my love was still on its feet, and I thought: “Nothing is lost yet, then we will be together.”
I took her to the bedroom, but when I was halfway to the goal, the girl suddenly began to cry. Like a gentleman, I asked what was the matter, and she says: “I have a boyfriend.”
What are you doing here? I just convinced her to continue. And I'm not ashamed at all.
- Once in college, during a smoke break, a friend told a story about how he fell asleep while his girlfriend was giving him a blowjob. That summer, he and I worked together as gardeners, so I imagined how tired he could be, but I still did not understand how this was possible.
The next night at the party, I drank a lot. Together with the girl we return by taxi home. I persuaded her to blowjob, she even started to do something. After that, there was a failure in my mind, and the next memory – I open my eyes and see her tearful eyes below. I couldn't help laughing at the realization that I was in the same situation as my friend. In vain I did it – I had to sleep on the couch.
The girl swore that she would never suck me again, because after such a failure she feels terrible. However, the very next day she herself joked about it, and we are still together. She's my coolest, though I'm still embarrassed.
- Super drunk. Picked up some guy with painted eyes. Cowgirl yelled at him, “Punch me in the fucking face,” until he actually punched him.
But overall, it was good.
- Foreword: college, I'm a virgin, Halloween. I was drunk and passed out…
When I woke up, there was a hot blonde next to me, covered in my clothes. The girl noticed that I was no longer sleeping and spoke. There was a terrible wound on her arm. I asked what happened. The stranger replied that I dropped it during a drunken fuss and then tried to carry it. Damn… I apologized and offered a ride. But her boyfriend has already followed her.
I noticed that I woke up in the wrong shorts, which was the day before. I myself did not remember anything – and still did not understand whether I had lost my virginity that night.
The next day, the blonde wrote that she had broken her arm. I apologized again and asked if there was anything I could do to help. The answer was a polite refusal. However, a week later I asked if everything was all right. However, the conversation did not go further.
But the next day a girl with a cast came to my house…
- Once I threw a party at home. Everything was going great, the alcohol was pouring in.
As the night drew to a close, many of the guests decided to stay with me, sensibly judging that it was risky to drive now. The closest friend fell asleep in my room on the second bed, and I brought there a girl whom I had met a few days before. The friend slept like a log, so I managed to convince her that he would not interfere with us. We were fooling around and having a great time, despite some whiskey problems.
Finally, at 4 am, I managed to recover and get down to business, but at that moment there was a faint knock. I gave up on him, absorbed in the process. Then they rang the doorbell – but I don't care, a lot of people are sleeping outside the door, someone will open it.
Finally there was a knock on the bedroom door. The girl pulled the blanket over her in fear. I grabbed another blanket, but due to drunkenness and irritation, I did not wrap it around me, but simply covered myself like a cloak, pushing forward my stone riser in a taut condom.
I open the door, expect to see one of my drunken friends, and there is my friend's father, sleeping on the bed next to me. By the way, it was this bed that was visible from the corridor, and the sofa on which the girl was sitting hid around the corner, so the first impression was ambiguous. The only thing I could squeeze out of myself: “He's safe… with me here…” – all this with a member at the ready.
Only the next morning I was able to appreciate the full picture. My friend's dad knew me from childhood, but had no idea that there was a girl in the room. All he saw was that I was obviously getting ready for sex, and my friend was sleeping next to me on the bed, covered with a blanket. Since then, we have never spoken about this incident. We're just pretending nothing happened.
- At 16, I went to visit my best friend in another state for a week. The last night of my stay was marked by a house party where I got very drunk. I already met one guy who was there. He also turned 16, he came along with his girlfriend. However, they had nothing, because he lost his virginity that evening with me (although I remember this rather vaguely).
After the job was done, I wanted to write. Wrapped in a blanket and staggering, I reached the middle of the room – and then I realized that I was already pissing. There was nowhere to hurry, and I just continued to irrigate the carpet. Then she went back to bed and we had sex again. It is unlikely that the guy noticed my stain on the carpet – so we got drunk. But from a friend the next day I received a message about a puddle in the room.
- One day, while studying in college, I woke up with a severe hangover. There were 2 condoms lying next to the bed. I didn't remember anything.
In the kitchen, I met one of the neighbors, who with a smirk asked what kind of hot blonde came to me yesterday. She ran into her in the hallway when she went to the bathroom at night. It was a cute girl with long blond hair wearing my T-shirt. But this information did not revive my memory.
Two weeks later, I was sitting in a bar with my neighbors. The one who saw my night visitor suddenly grabbed my hand and said: “Here she is!” I looked into the eyes of the ravishing blonde pointed out by my friend, and she answered me with a smile. I immediately came over to say hello. It turned out that she was looking for solace after breaking up with her ex, and meeting with me came in very handy. I asked her out on a date, concealing that I don't remember anything about the night together. But alas, a week later she got together with the former, and our story ended.
I still don't remember anything. Worse, it was the only time I was able to successfully glue someone in a bar.
- I don't remember my entire high school graduation. In the middle of that night, consciousness began to treacherously leave me. I think at first I hung out with my friends. Then I went outside and met someone else.
The next thing I remember is — I have a classmate with whom I have never really communicated. We kiss on the backyard lawn. They tried to make the party large-scale, so a bouncer was hired in case of problems. Apparently, the problem happened with my drunk ass. One of the thugs came up and pulled the girl off me. I didn't get hurt just because I knew I once worked with him. I didn't have the strength to catch up with them. I wandered to the entrance – and as I walked, I was vomiting because of the crazy amount of alcohol I had drunk.
A couple of months later, I met school friends at another party. The girl of one of my friends told me that I, it turns out, kissed at the prom with her best friend. Allegedly, I put my fingers in her, and she tried to take off my pants.
I was glad to know these details even months later.
Rules of conduct after casual sex. Stay a goddess in HIS eyes!
