“How I Met Your Mother” remains one of of the most entertaining shows when it comes to relationships, friendships and trying to trace your life between your twenties and thirties and then your forties.
Over nine seasons, the show has given viewers catchy and classic quotes that range from funny one-liners, from making everyone laugh, to sound heart-pounding relationship advice.
In fact, the show has written some of the funniest lines in early sitcom history.
Best quotes from the famous show< /h2>
“This cake. The best cake I have ever eaten. Seriously, my stomach is like, “Hey bro, I don't know what you're eating because I don't have eyes, but overall it's awesome, so keep sending it down Throat Alley.” – Marshall Eriksen;
“Whenever I'm sad, I stop being sad and become awesome.” – Barney Stinson;
“I realized what I was looking for, looking for what I really want in life. And you know what? I have no idea what it is.” – Barney Stinson;
“Because sometimes, even if you know how something will end, it does not mean that you cannot enjoy the path.” – Ted Mosby;
“A lie is just a great story someone messed up with the truth.” – Barney Stinson;
“Every Halloween I bring a spare costume in case I meet the hottest girl at the party. This way I will have a second chance to make a first impression.” – Barney Stinson;
“So, actually, the biggest mistake would be not to make that mistake, because then you will spend your whole life not knowing whether something was a mistake or not.” – Lily Aldrin;
“Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want them to.” – Marshall Eriksen;
“The future is scary, but you can't just go back to the past because it's familiar. Yes, it's tempting, but it's a mistake.” – Robin Scherbatsky;
“It's just that we'll all move on in the end. This is called growing up. – Lily Aldrin;
“I finally found the one, Marshall. Her name is Brisket. – Ted Mosby;
“The best I can give you is a fake smile and dull eyes.” – Robin Scherbatsky;
“Look, I know the love of my life isn't going to magically walk through that door dressed as a pumpkin at 2:43 in the morning. But it just seems like such a great place to just, you know, sit and wait.” – Ted Mosby;
“The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years 11 months old.” – Barney Stinson;
“Believe it or not, I haven't always been as cool as I am today.” – Barney Stinson;
“I'm a good guy. In a dream”. – Marshall Eriksen;
“Shouldn't we hold on to someone who not only tolerates our little oddities, but actually loves them?” – Ted Mosby;
“Somewhere along the way, I forgot to fulfill my dream, and now I'm old, I'm a mother, and it's too late for me.” – Lily Aldrin;
“In a marriage, being right is less important than maintaining. Remember: a happy wife equals a happy life. – Lily Aldrin;
“You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I'm sad, I stop being sad and become awesome. Vital.” – Barney Stinson;
“You are my best friend. I don't need objectivity. I just need your support.” – Lily Aldrin;
“I just want to say from the bottom of my heart… I'm going to kill you.” – Robin Scherbatsky;
“The more you fight this, the worse it will get. It's like if your car is sliding on ice, it starts skidding.” – Ted Mosby;
“I don't know where I'll be in five years. I do not want to know. I want my life to be an adventure.” – Robin Scherbatsky;
“Well, that answers all the questions I didn't ask.” – Robin Scherbatsky;
“Here's the thing about mistakes: sometimes, even if you know something is wrong, you still have to do it.” – Ted Mosby;
“My metabolism is broken. You see, I can safely get drunk on buttercream at night looking and wake up, having lost weight. Well, everywhere but my boobs. So annoying.” – Robin Scherbatsky;
“No more surprises – the best part of marriage.” – Lily Aldrin;
“Italy doesn’t need something wrinkled, red and leaky, smelling of booze and drugs. They already have former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.” – Marshall Eriksen;
“Yes, I'm in a bad mood. No, I don't want to talk about it. Yes, there is booze in it. No, this is not the first. – Lily Aldrin;
“Look at us driving in a limousine, eating hot dogs. It's like we're the President.” – Marshall Eriksen;
“Just like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.” It was pretty masculine until I mentioned Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, huh? – Ted Mosby;
“Nothing good happens after two in the morning. When it's two in the morning, just go home and go to bed.” – Ted Mosby;
“Are you guys fucking? Go on, I'm not even here. But for the record? Having a child? Big mistake”. – Barney Stinson;
“Being in a relationship is hard. And making commitments, making sacrifices is hard. But if it's the right person, it's easy.” – Marshall Eriksen.
“Behind all these lies lies one single truth, which overshadows all the lies in the world. And it is that I love you.” – Barney Stinson;
“Everyone I know gets married and gets pregnant. I'm just getting tougher.” – Barney Stinson;
“You get older, you have kids, you stop stealing – it's sad.” – Lily Aldrin;
“Well, you give nothing, you say you wrote another book. You're just like this one, like him there, some kind of Stephen King! – Marshall Eriksen;
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” – Barney Stinson;
“The world is not perfect, but here's the secret: no one can swear to be perfect. It remains only to love each other for who we are. Because love is the best we have.” – Ted Mosby;
“If it’s like this, I want to be honest. I will lie to you. I will, trust me. But only in order to make a wonderful surprise. I'll stun you and wrap you around my finger. And for you it will be just like snow on your head. – Barney Stinson;
“Give me the scotch! Normal, American Scottish Scotch!” – Barney Stinson;
“A child is not just some important part of your life, a child is the most important part of it. When will you understand it? – Marshall Eriksen;
“Lily is a diabolical puppet master, she skillfully manipulates any situation to get what she needs. She's pure evil, Marshall. You are very lucky to have her, don't lose her.” – Barney Stinson;
“I will return when the wind, fate and chance bring me back. That is tomorrow. Tomorrow is hearty steak day.” – Marshall Eriksen;
“Children, consider your life wasted if you didn't put up a prohibition sign somewhere because of you.” – Ted Mosby;
“My company is designing an executive lobby for a tobacco company. I am on the side of cancer in the fight against cancer.” – Ted Mosby;
“Everything here is so dark and sloppy, and everything seems to be completely illegal. It's like being in Barney's head.” – Marshall Eriksen;
“And here’s the most hypocritical thing: even if you save every tree in the forest so that the forest doesn’t turn into a parking lot, where are you going to park your car?” – Ted Mosby;
“You just insulted someone I hate by mentioning something I like. Damn, you're getting prettier and prettier!” – Ted Mosby;
“In Vegas, at least the casinos are ventilated. And here, it seems, everyone comes with their own supply of oxygen. – Robin Scherbatsky;
“You know, Barney, for anyone else, this would be a new level of meanness, but, unfortunately, for you, this is only the middle.” – Lily Aldrin;
“Hey, you just lost your 'I love you' virginity.” – Ted Mosby;
“You're like that goat with the towel, you know? You crave it so much that every time the world tries to take it from you, you cling to it with all your might. It's actually just a towel! Why do you even need it?” – Lily Aldrin;
“I'm not going to the matchmaker – it's like giving up, you know? It's like a man got himself a cat! – Ted Mosby;
“By the time you're almost in your twenties, you've already dated a lot of people, but when you're in a relationship with someone, the general rule is to pretend that it wasn't.” – Ted Mosby;
“Okay, there are only two reasons why she might laugh at this. The first was the very first joke she had ever heard. Or the second – she likes you. – Ted Mosby;
“Look, guys regret the girls they didn't sleep with, and girls regret the guys they slept with.” – Stella Zinman;
“Those mothers, huh? Moms always worry about trifles. I came out of a coma within a week.” – Marshall Eriksen;
“I only slept with Robin once, and I got emotional. I was protected!” – Ted Mosby;
“Look at these SMSes. And with the same fingers she writes SMS to her mom.” – Barney Stinson;
“You like him, he likes you, so be together! Fuck, it's so easy to be happy!” – Lily Aldrin;
“You're sad, you're broken, and when it's over, you'll go home, put on your oversized family underpants, and take a nap!” – Marshall Eriksen;
“He will hug you until you agree to put out the Death Star.” – Marshall Eriksen;
“The most important thing about Angry Birds is always trying to anticipate all possible outcomes and bashing pigs with rocks or something…” – Robin Scherbatsky;
“Ted, honey, please go outside, find the wall and kill yourself. We'll be there in a minute.” – Lily Aldrin;
“You don't have to humanize your enemy.” – Barney Stinson;
“It's like cigarettes. You smoke one while you're drunk and you think it's okay, but before you know it, you're already buying a block a week.” – Robin Scherbatsky;
“The only difference between my real life and porn is that the lighting in real life is better.” – Barney Stinson;
“Paying for food is racist.” – Ted Mosby;
“A girl is something like a severe flu: it goes away after a couple of weeks of bed rest.” – Barney Stinson;
“Now listen. Whenever you feel like calling her, you find me first. And I'll whip you in the face.” – Ted Mosby;
“I don't want to sound like a tearful romantic, but this weekend Robin will be the only one I'm roasting.” – Barney Stinson;
“Yes, I'm at work. I, you know, need to clear the table of unnecessary pieces of paper. For a pile of the same unnecessary pieces of paper. But it's worth it, isn't it? After all, I make this world… the same.” – Marshall Eriksen;
“I understand that it’s hard for you now, but one day you will love again. Time can heal your broken heart, but that bitch's broken window can't… Let's get down!” – Barney Stinson;
“You know who loves long distance relationships? Girls! One chatter and no sex! Better kill.” – Marshall Eriksen;
“This is the code of brotherhood. A brother does not tell a common brother that the third brother has a crush on him. Just as the third brother does not tell the common brother that the real brother has gone rogue by undressing in front of him. That's the essence of a bro's profession.” – Barney Stinson;
“We all make stupid decisions, but time is a funny thing, and sometimes a little magical: a stupid decision can eventually turn into something completely different…” – Ted Mosby;
I know it's scary to bet on yourself. But if you don't do it, no one will do it for you. – Barney Stinson;
“Robin, it's just a baby, he doesn't bite. Well, he might bite, but we're working on it.” – Lily Aldrin;
“I think I just experienced my first… burgergasm. – Lily Aldrin;
“Damn, if a cockroach and a rat found their love in this city, why can't I?” – Ted Mosby;
“People live up to expectations if you believe in them.” – Ted Mosby;
“Somebody give him a drink, he's starting to think again.” – Barney Stinson;
“There are two types of guys: those who you wait for a call, but they don’t call; and the ones that ring when you don't want to hear them.” – Jen;
“When you're single, you hope that every new girl will be your soul mate.” – Ted Mosby;
“Or maybe I don't want to be spared disappointment, maybe I want to be disappointed. I haven't wanted anything this much in a long time. And with you, disappointments don't seem so disappointing.” – Barney Stinson;
“Why get up in the morning if you don't believe in elves and Bigfoot?!” – Marshall Eriksen;
“Did you reject a porn star? Friendship is over! – Barney Stinson;
“I love commitment, I would even like to marry commitment!” – Barney Stinson;
“Do you want to break up with a girl? Six words: you look fat in those jeans. And that's it, you're free.” – Barney Stinson;
“Now, everyone stand up and look where you are, because I'm about to drop some wisdom.” – Barney Stinson;
“Robin, I certainly respect your help, but there's a reason your name is Robin and not Batman.” – Ted Mosby;
“Hanging up once wasn't enough.” – Barney Stinson;
“There are women turning 18 every day.” – Ellen Pierce;
“Dude, your ego is writing checks that your body can’t pay off later!” – Barney Stinson;
“If you have sex again, neither of you will get dessert!” – Lily Aldrin;
“What a stupid intrusion into my privacy”… Continue”. – Barney Stinson;
“Ted, the only people in the universe who haven't seen Star Wars are the Star Wars characters themselves, and that's because they live there!” – Marshall Eriksen.
How I Met Your Mother is one of those shows you don't even have to watch. You can just listen and laugh, or learn from the wisdom of the main characters.
But in combination with a wonderful acting game, the quotes sound so that it is impossible to remain indifferent to them.
